The very fabric of reality is in peril!
It takes immense importance to be under and over-dressed at the same time.
Ha, that’s just how I like to get everyone’s attention.
Hi, I’m Adam Warlock.
You may remember me from the Infinity Gauntlet. No? The Infinity Watch? No? The Infinity War, Infinity Crusade, Infinity Abyss? No. Well no doubt you’re too young for those and will recognise me from my recent appearances in Annihilation: Conquest and the Guardians of the Galaxy. What? I see. Hmm, looks like I’d better start inserting myself into some more popular titles.
I’d best take a peek through my net curtains at what’s going on in neighbouring comics and see if I can insert… no… Infinity Insert myself somewhere.
The Avengers # 7: Is it worthy of Adam Warlock's Infinite Insertion?
All of creation in the palm of a petty felon! The unending cosmic irony!
So yeah, I just happened to be fixing the hinges on the letterbox of The Avengers #7 the other day when the flap fell right off. It was only once I had managed to get my head and most of my arm stuck half way through the slot that I accidentally saw what was going on inside. Let me tell you that I was not impressed at all.
First off, amongst the unopened post on the doormat which happened to tear itself open while I was looking, there was a gas bill for someone called “The Protector.”
These are the Avengers? Looks like a dole queue... I'd imagine of course.
I have no idea who The Protector is at all, and I’m tuned into the Universe on a spiritual level. He’s not been mentioned before, and he’s certainly not mentioned in this issue.
Iceman gets caught up in another of Wolverine's Danger Room sessions.
I’m assuming it’s that Marvel Boy who’s been stinking up our street with his flagrant disregard for continuity, but I’ll tell you this: He’s a bad influence! Heh, kinda like this one time Thanos and I were hanging out at this leather bar, and he was all like “No, don’t,” but I knew he liked it, and Stephen Strange was egging me on, just cause Wolverine had his tongue in his ear.
Anyway, yes, so, who what? Oh yes.
I finally managed to lever the door right off its hinges and still stuck in the letter box, barrel my way into the front room where I see the Avengers just standing about skiving.
The nerve of some people is just unbelievable!
I don’t know what they talk about at these modern Avengers get-togethers . It used to be that they would have an agenda and sit down and talk about stuff that’s happened, but they just seem to banter back and forth about inane mince.
Marvel Protector Boy was there and had brought his girlfriend to the meeting. How unprofessional!? I live just a few doors down and have alien knowledge, and I don’t get invited to these meetings? Sure, people lie and say I have a few bags under my eyes, but you can rest assured I wouldn’t bring a girlfriend to a meeting. I wonder if Thanos would go with me. I’ll have to give him a phone later. I think he’s still on that premium rate number…
So they crapped on about nothing for a while and then the Red Hulk came crashing through their front window almost unconscious. These New, New Avengers just seem to stand around until something comes through their window. How do things know which window in their skyscraper to crash through?
Anyway, the Red Hulk (some people put his names together and call him “Rulk,” but let me tell you, it’s the other way around. “Hed” is a better name for that puppy) only said one word.
Good job I brought a change of knickers.
I swear I messed myself.
I got thrown out at that point, but I might be working my way back to the Avengers next month once I get out of court. However, using my unique connection to the infinite, I reached out with all my senses to locate the source of the cosmic jeopardy.
After 2 hours on the phone to Moondragon, I found out that she had been talking to Drax, who had mentioned that Pip had this friend who knew a Kree who knew an Inhuman who told her that The Hood had been collecting the Infinity Gems.
The Hood
Now, for those that don’t know, The Hood is that camp villain out of Penelope Pitstop.
What? Oh THAT Hood. Well that’s boring.
So, anyway, The Hood, some New York criminal who used to have a magic cape and some glittery magic stones is collecting the Infinity Gems so he can get power.
The Hood
I can’t really see that The Hood is going to get all the Infinity Gems, and even If he does I’m totally not bothered. They’re not supposed to work together anymore.
Now, I know the writer of these recent happenings, Brian Michael Bendis, has dealt with the/my gems before in an issue of The Illuminati.
Picture it, The Illuminati #2. Reed Richards stands before his friends and tells them he’s going to gather the Infinity Gems before anyone else has a chance to abuse them. I think he’s being harsh there. All I ever did as the Supreme Being was give myself an ongoing comic.
Black Bolt raises the issue, “He was led to believe the Infinity Gems could no longer work together in unison.” I’m not even paraphrasing here, I was listening with a glass to the wall and took very full notes.
Reed Richards responds, “Says who?”
And that’s that dealt with.
“Says who?”
My best buddy, yeah Eternity, the sum totality of the universe was round at my place once and said that God himself (yes, even bigger god than me even) decreed that they’d never work together again. Just like George Takei and Bill Shatner.
Was I the only person paying any attention? What do you mean "yes"?!
Anyway, I’m a bit bored of whatever’s happening round at The Avengers. I’m all for reordering reality and taking out the bits you don’t like so that your amateur villain can look important by attaining a power that would drive them insane if they were even in its presence, but that’s only when it applied to ME! When anyone else does it, it’s just all a bit boring and forced, and as I’ve wielded the Time Gem, I can quite rightly say, I’ve seen it all before.
So next time, I’ll be inserting… sorry, Infinity Inserting myself through someone else’s back door.
Adventures in Comics 